Georgia Trail Riders Forum
MEMBERS DISCUSSION AREA => General Discussion => Topic started by: drich394 on October 17, 2011, 05:50:38 AM
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It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Mark, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly worried, Mark slapped a carrot, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he realized that his beloved bacon was missing! Immediately he called his baldheaded stepchild of a 'friend', Richard. Mark had known Richard for (plus or minus) 61 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Richard was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... rough aroud the corners. Mark called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Richard picked up to a very calm Mark. Richard calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks grimace before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually sassily yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Mark. Why was Richard trying to distract Mark? Because he had snuck out from Mark's with the bacon only seven days prior. It was a enchanting little bacon... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Mark got back to the subject at hand: his bacon. Richard grimaced. Relunctantly, Richard invited him over, assuring him they'd find the bacon. Mark grabbed his red elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Richard realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the bacon and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if Mark took the noise-polluting import, he had take at least eleven minutes before Mark would get there. But if he took the cherokee? Then Richard would be excessively screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Richard was interrupted by three stupid Care Bears that were lured by his bacon. Richard yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he aggressively reached for his ninja star and aptly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the cherokee rolling up. It was Mark.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of carrots, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Mark was out of the cherokee and went explosively jaunting toward Richard's front door. Meanwhile inside, Richard was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the bacon into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his whale. Richard was exasperated but at least the bacon was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Richard sassily purred. With a quick push, Mark opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive flaming idiot in a Jap Trap,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Richard assured him. Mark took a seat nearby where Richard had hidden the bacon. Richard panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Mark was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Richard noticed a oafish look on Mark's face. Mark slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Richard felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when Mark asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the bacon right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Mark's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Mark nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Richard could react, Mark thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The bacon was plainly in view.
Mark stared at Richard for what must've been seven hours. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Richard groped earnestly in Mark's direction, clearly desperate. Mark grabbed the bacon and bolted for the door. It was locked. Richard let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Mark,' he rebuked. Ricahrd always had been a little annoying, so Mark knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Richard did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his bacon tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Ricahrd looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Mark. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Mark. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Richard walked over to the window and looked down. Mark was gone.
Just yonder, Mark was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Richard's place. Mark had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the bacon. One by one they latched on to Mark. Already weakened from his injury, Mark yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his bacon.
About ten hours later, Mark awoke, his scalp throbbing. It was dark and Mark did not know where he was. Deep in the muddy magical cornfield, Mark was abundantly lost. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he remembered that his bacon was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen Care Bear emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the alpha Care Bear. Mark opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into Mark's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Mark's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than six miles away, Richard was entombed by anguish over the loss of the bacon. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened wolverine. With a calculated thrust, he buried it deeply into his taint. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Mark... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the bacon that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. {hihi} {toast}
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WTF
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True story.... ;D
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Huh?
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That makes the drunk posting much more palatable...
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Wow...
From the phone
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You know how I know your gay?
We can get you help....
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bad mushrooms bad.......
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^^^^^ I was thinking good mushrooms!
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Please tell me that there will be a prequel. funny stuff. got any more of what you were taking???????
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Probably get it at the fest. :smoke
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{ehm} Have you been in the cow pastures again? WTF
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Is that a Mad Libs?
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It would have been a lot easier to believe if Ryan had of told the truth about it actually being a story about him and Alex. LOL
Sent from my iPhone using my right hand.
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awww, ur just jelious your not involved in the Gay parties.